


N.Y // L.A

by seabasstianstan



Category: Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, Sebastian Stan - freeform - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dating, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Heartbreak, I feel like Chris Evans just is one of those friends to have??, I'm a sucker for boy/girl platonic relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, Love Stories, Mild Smut, Platonic Relationships, Romance, Sad Sebastian, best friend chris, i will keep updating the tags as i add more chapters, kinda.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seabasstianstan/pseuds/seabasstianstan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We’ve all heard love is blind. We’ve all heard that all is fair in love and war. But how far is going too far? Where do you draw the line between doing something in love and going too far in love? She always knew what she wanted, she wanted simple and uncomplicated. That is all she was ever ready for. And then he happened. And all her common sense, morality and preparation went out the window. A story about the kind of love our fictional romances and fairytales never prepared us for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote when I was feeling very angsty and Sebastian Stan was basically the only person in my mind. I would really like to convert this into a series but so far, I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't. Feedback will be greatly appreciated!  
> ps: this is not the beginning, this is somewhere in the middle of the timeline I'm working with.

We’ve all heard love is blind. We’ve all heard that all is fair in love and war. But how far is going too far? Where do you draw the line between doing something in love and going too far in love? I was clear about that morality. I was black and white. I was clear about the kind of relationship I wanted in my life, I wanted simple and uncomplicated. That is all I was ever ready for. And then he happened. All my morality, black and white judgments, everything blurred into what I felt around him and how he made me feel.

“We have to stop this Seb”

That is how the most painful conversation I had ever had started. That was well over half an hour ago. Currently, we were sitting face to face on the sofa with Sebastian’s hands intertwined with mine; he looked too afraid to let them go, like if he just held onto me somehow that this nightmare would just be over.

“Why are you doing this?” Sebastian asked, his eyes red from the tears and the lines on his forehead creasing further.

“Seb, you know why. We can’t keep doing this. It isn’t fair to anyone” I replied, sighing when he held my hands tighter.

“Please don’t” he started, his voice so broken and raw that I could feel the sadness spreading through my body like wildfire.

“I’m –“

“Please..”  
  
“Then leave her. Stay here” I said.

A traitor tear made its way down my cheek. I knew fully well that he couldn’t just leave her. He loved her. She loved him. They fit each other so brilliantly that the first time I saw them together hurt my heart. I didn’t quite understand why I was ever a part of a story that was clearly meant to be theirs.

“I..I can’t you know I-“he started, only to be interrupted me leaning in for a last, quick kiss on his gorgeous pink lips.

“I know. But that’s exactly why this has to be done” I untangled our hands, lifted my bag from the countertop it was kept on, gathered my coat and headed for the door.

I exited and before closing the door behind me, I turned around to look at the man who was sitting on the sofa with tear stained cheeks like my own, looking so broken and yet so devastatingly beautiful. I tore my eyes away from him and looked around the living area that was the home to so many wonderful memories in such a short time. It was like trying to memorize everything about our time together, about the man I loved so deeply so that those memories could last me a lifetime.

Taking a final look at Sebastian, I shut the door and made my way to the elevator down the long corridor. It took a minute for the elevator doors to slide open, and I stepped inside pressing the button to take me to the ground floor. The doors closed, and I sank to the floor, sadness engulfing me and the tears that I had held back overpowering my will to not cry until I was home. I had done what was morally correct, no matter how much time it took for me to do it, but why then, did it feel so heart-wrenchingly painful? No one said doing the right thing was easy, but no one had ever prepared me for how painful it could be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’ve all heard love is blind. We’ve all heard that all is fair in love and war. But how far is going too far? Where do you draw the line between doing something in love and going too far in love? She always knew what she wanted, she wanted simple and uncomplicated. That is all she was ever ready for. And then he happened. And all her common sense, morality and preparation went out the window. A story about the kind of love our fictional romances and fairytales never prepared us for.

The elevator dinged, alarming me that I was on the ground floor. I quickly wiped at my tears the best I could with my hands and headed straight out to find myself a cab back home so I could just wallow in self pity and sorrow until the time I absolutely had to go back to work. Those were certainly the perks of your boss also being your childhood friend. The perks of living in New York, however, were the amount of cabs in the city and the fact that everyone was so busy in their own lives and their own selves that barring very few people, no one glanced in my general direction and consequently, didn’t see the mess that I was.

I got into my cab, gave the driver my address and he didn’t seem like a conversationalist since he just nodded at my reflection in the rear view mirror and started driving. I was more than happy to spend the ride back home in silence.

Three days later, I was sitting by the window in my living room, looking out into the city as the rain poured outside. One of the best decisions I had probably made was to get an apartment that had big windows where I had put a chair enormous enough to engulf me when I felt lost. I couldn’t exactly point out what I was feeling. I felt sad that I had to put him through all that. I felt angry that either of us had let it get to this point where we were both hurting like this. I felt self-hatred because what I had with him was so very wrong and knowing that, I let it happen time after time. I was also doubtful somewhere in my mind of what he was doing at this moment, if he had even given me, or us, a minute’s thought ever since that day.

Sitting there in my cozy blanket with all the unhealthy food surrounding me, staring aimless out the window, my mind took me back to the day I had met him for the first time.

**_-flashback-_ **

What did my best friend, Annette ‘Annie’ Sasso, gift me for my 29th birthday? A chance to work under (with) her on the sets of Captain America Civil War.

Not that I wasn’t thrilled, my inner 20-year-old fangirl was excited beyond words, but the major problem was that (and no, it wasn’t my job) I didn’t know a thing about what costume designing for a movie set was like. My friend on the other hand was, obviously, a pro at it.

So my initial reaction to her otherwise wonderful gift was to say no as politely as I could by stating the reason that was already in mind. I told her it would suffice if she let me visit her on set a couple of times to let my fangirl side gawk at Chris Evans in his Captain America suit when he wasn’t being Steve Rogers. Maybe throw in a little introduction and I would be a happy dame. But Annie wasn’t having any of it. She said something along the lines of all I had to do was follow her lead, that I would pretty much work under her so I didn’t need to worry.

Let’s just say Annie has always been very good at the art of persuasion, and so here I was, a week later, scrabbling to get all the clothes ready for the first costume trial. As for my actual day job, I was pretty much my own boss. The benefit of professional blogging is that you can constantly take up new hobbies and other jobs on the side and simply integrate it into your blogging.

About 20 minutes later, the cast (or well, most of it) walked in, including Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Chadwick Boseman and finally, Sebastian Stan. I was introduced to all of them by Annette, who seemed to have had prior contact with them, as a friend who was helping her stay sane through the movie. I was glad enough for her to not mention this was my birthday present.

I wanted to pick out decent clothes for this first meeting and needless to say, I needed Annie’s help a lot. I wasn’t exactly going in to work every day or really socializing per say so my wardrobe was limited to say the least. But the endless hours of Annie dragging me through the shopping mall, insisting I buy new clothes for this ‘whole new experience’ and making me try on everything and anything she got her hands on was paying off. All of them, especially Chris, Sebastian and Elizabeth had a wonderful sense of style and I didn’t feel completely left out currently.

They were each given a separate room with an intern fetching each of them their particular costumes while I was just trailing behind Annie as she overlooked the entire process, trying to learn as much as I could.

“Hey Mira, could you grab the Winter Soldier jacket and give it to Sebastian please? I’m going to check in on Jeremy once and meet you there?”

“Of course I’ll head right over”

_Sure. I will head into Sebastian Stan’s dressing room and just give him the jacket and walked back out. This is as simple as tasks get. But I couldn’t help that that man was a walking, talking goodie bag of sexiness and adorableness all at once. A straight girl who wasn’t nervous meeting him for the first time would be a girl I wouldn’t trust if I were honest._

The jacket was in the spare room of Annie’s makeshift office area that was supposed to be the master bedroom of the apartment we were currently in. I grabbed the jacket and headed towards the door that said ‘Stan’ in bold black letters.

_Don’t forget to knock. Don’t forget to knock. Don’t you dare forget to knock._

I forgot to knock.

And I had walked in on Mr. Stan in all his wonderful glory, standing with his jeans hanging so low on his waist that for a good five seconds I pondered over how it was still on his hips and not the floor.

“I am so sorry Mr. Stan. I meant to knock but I just-I’m really very sorry” I said.

“Oh you don’t have to apologize. Not like you caught me in the middle of something naught, right?” he teased and I swear, in all my years of rejoicing over the fact that I had brown skin that never showed a blush evidently; I had never thought I would ever be scared that someone could see the colour rising to my cheeks.

“And please, call me Sebastian” he smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back at him; all 32 teeth on display.

_Goddamn it his dorkiness was contagious._

“Annie gave me this for you to try on. I think it’s big contender to be the Winter Soldier’s new costume,” I said, extending the black jacket towards him.

He took it from me, gave it a look on the front and back, and started trying it on as I started to turn around to leave.

“Wait! Where do you think you’re going?” he asked

“Um, out of your changing room?”

“No, stay. Help me with this jacket it’s so difficult to put on”

“Try putting a shirt underneath it. It won’t hurt your skin as much,” I said.

He finally put a shirt on, and extended the jacket back towards me.

I took it and stood behind him as he put his hands through the sleeves and then up his shoulders. He did the zipper and turned around to face me.

“How does it look?” he asked, giving me what I could only describe as the Winter Soldier smolder.

I laughed before answering, “I do think that left sleeve needs to be ripped off. Don’t you? I mean, we gotta get a good look at those guns don’t we?”

I flexed my arm at him and this had him let out a little giggle while I laughed a little more at his reaction.

“Well, aren’t you two already besties” Annie was standing in the doorway looking between the two of us, feigning shock.

I stuck my tongue out at her, which went unnoticed by Sebastian.

“So do you like your new costume Weiner Soldier?” Annie asked.

Sebastian groaned at her nickname that I was told had stuck around since the last movie but then broke out into a little laugh.

“I like it, but I do think the left sleeve needs to go” he said to her, throwing me a quick smirk and a wink.

I was almost sure that was the starting of a personal joke between us, but hey, I was also sure that I was on an adrenaline high from being in his presence so it could just be me being overexcited and misinterpreting it.

“Five minutes in you two already have personal jokes?” Annie teased.

Before either of us could respond to her, one of the interns interrupted us.

Apparently, Chadwick needed some urgent help with his costume.

Before walking out of the room, Annie quipped in one last comment, “Sebastian Stan, you better not steal my best friend”

My back was towards Sebastian as I turned to laugh at Annie’s comment and I didn’t feel him coming up behind me and putting his arm around my shoulder. I jumped a little in surprise but managed to not squeal at the feeling.

“I’m definitely stealing your best friend, Annie” he said and squeezed his arm around my shoulder for what I can only term as a makeshift hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to continue with this after all. I will be going away on a vacation for a week, so there will be no updates until I'm back. I am hoping to get a bulk of the plot sorted during the time away from the city. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at chapter summaries, but expect lots of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Inspiration : If I'm James Dean, You're My Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping With Sirens

The shooting for the movie was started today.

Over the course of the last few months, Sebastian and I had met countless times. It wasn’t just only because of the numerous fittings that had happened, but also because we had found a lot in common and hung out regardless of work related things or not. He was a sweet and genuine person and I always regarded that as something special.

We had gone out on numerous breakfasts together, having found a common adoration for that meal of the day. We went on a couple of hikes when the cast and crew were in L.A for a week. We went out for movies, to the run down bookstore around the corner of one of our favourite coffee shop and everywhere in between. We went on midnight raids to Walmart to buy pop tarts. Pop tarts that, I might add, we always ate on the hood of his parked car in the empty Walmart parking lot while talking about everything from which Pokémon was the best to what the purpose of human life was. Our friendship was nothing less than the cheesiest friendship one could ever have; we made each other mix tapes containing our favourite songs for god’s sake. Who made mix tapes anymore? We did, apparently. We had developed quite a habit of being around each other, so much so that it became ritualistic for us to get coffee together whenever he was in town.

I had offered to get him coffee this morning when he had texted me about his late night the night before. I was standing near his trailer, waiting for him to arrive. Sebastian wasn’t one to be late to work so he showed up soon after me, looking gloriously tired in his white shirt and jeans. His slightly long hair was a messily tied behind his head in a cute little bun and I adored how messy his bun was.

“Miraaaaaa” he said, coming towards me with open arms, his dorky smile plastered on his face.

“Good morning to you too, Sebastian” I laughed as he wrapped his arms around my coffee holding hands.

“Why are you standing outside? You could just have waited inside” he said

“That seems like an invasion of privacy, Seb. What if you had kinky porn magazines in there that you didn’t want revealed yet?” I joked

He shook his head and yanked the trailer door open, motioning for me to get in first.

He climbed in behind me and closed the door.

I handed him the coffee and sat down on the stool next to him. I had offered to do his makeup today since Sam, who was to be his makeup artist, had her hands full with doing Peter’s makeup as Vision.

“You wanna finish your coffee first and start this?” he asked

“Oh no, we don’t have _that_ much time” I said and pointed to the singular chair in the trailer.

He sat, and I whipped out the makeup Sam had given me. Now the one thing I could say I knew fully in this movie set, was how to do a natural makeup.

As I started putting slight foundation on his skin, which I might add was perfectly even and I didn’t really know how that was humanly possible, he looked up at me. I couldn’t look into his eyes when we were that close, it was an intimidating thing to do. His eyes were very blue and _very_ expressive. So I continued on with my work as I felt his eyes on me. When it got too much to handle, I distracted myself by taking a sip of my coffee. This went on for about 15 minutes before his hairstylist came in and I was glad that I was just about done as well.

I stepped away from his, giving way to his hairstylist, and excused myself to go see if Annie needed my help at all.

Annie, of course, had everything under control. But I insisted that I be with her and learn a little from her. I knew she could sense something was off with me but she didn’t pry.

It was about mid-day when Sebastian found me. I had seen sorting out Chris’ outfits, and more importantly, his caps. After all, when Team Cap wants to go incognito, they want lots of caps.

“There you are!”

“Hey you” I smiled up at him

“I’m going to get lunch, you wanna come along?” he asked, so hopefully that I essentially had no choice but to agree.

“Sure” I said motioning for him to help me up.

It was a short walk to a restaurant that he wanted to try out. Once we reached, he asked for the most private seating they had. Our server didn’t immediately catch onto who he was, but showed us the way anyway.

We were seated and about to order food when one of the other servers recognized him, and told our server whose eyes seemed to go a little wider as the realization hit her.

 _Oh I know, server lady, I know. He’s exceptionally gorgeous in real life._ I thought to myself before I averted my eyes from the two and laughed quietly which drew Sebastian’s attention whereas it had previously been in his phone.

He gave me a questioning look to which I answered, “I think our server just realized she talked to The Sebastian Stan. Don’t be surprised if she is a nervous wreck when she comes back to take our orders”

“She won’t be a nervous wreck, I’m not that intimidating. Imagine if Chris came along today,” he said, trying to play my glorification of his personality off.

“You? Not intimidating? Are you serious?” I said.

As soon as I said it, I mentally cursed myself because I didn’t want him asking if I found him intimidating because hell yes, there were moments when he was intimidating. But no, it wasn’t in a scary way that made you freeze up. It was in a way that made butterflies erupt in your stomach and made your palms a little sweaty. It was the moments when he was too close for comfort without even realizing, moments when he would say something so endearing I had to stop myself from genuinely falling for him. Or moments when he looked right into my eyes and I forgot my chain of thought because his eyes were so bold and so expressive, and his eyes always seemed to have adorable in them. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it so I had avoided confronting any detailed thinking about his actions like it was the plague.

“Are you saying I am intimidating?” he asked

I took a sip of the water and our server finally made her way to us. She was visibly nervous as she asked us if we were ready to order.

I told the lady what I wanted and Sebastian did the same, only he didn’t even bother looking up at her while telling her his order. He stared at the menu, looking a little perplexed.

When the server left, he continued, “Do _you_ find me intimidating?”

_Oh boy there it is._

“Sometimes” I answered, looking up at him. I wanted to try and smile at him reassuringly that I didn’t mean much of it, but his eyes were focusing on the table and his face was a little scrunched up, presumably not liking the fact that I was intimidated by him sometimes.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his expression a little which broke him out of his trance and he looked at me.

“You know it’s not your fault. I think you just do it unintentionally sometimes.”

“Okay…. that’s reassuring” he commented and I laughed a little harder

He smiled and continued with his banter, making animated expressions at me.

“It’s not a biggie, I just thought that people who were friends just normally weren’t intimidated by each other but I guess not…ya learn new things every day”

I laughed not only at his reaction to my confession but also at his capability to talk on and on about one tiny topic at length. He probably wouldn’t have any problem continuing on with it if I didn’t interrupt.

“Okay, okay. Stop it. Tell me about your day” I suggested, trying to stop his banter.

“Are you digressing from the topic purposefully?” he asked, opening his mouth and putting both his hands on his cheeks, pretending to be shocked.

“I most certainly am, Mr. Stan. Now, your day. How was it?” I asked

We spent the lunch talking about what they had shot during the day, and I gladly listened to him explaining everything. He certainly had a way with words that made you want to sit somewhere cozy and just listen to him speak about whatever he wanted to speak about.

The rest of my afternoon was spent uneventfully sorting out some props to go with Jeremy Renner, who had to shoot some Hawkeye scenes the next day.

By the evening, I was uncharacteristically tired. I didn’t have any other work to do except to wait for Annie who was supposed to have a meeting with the directors and some executives who had flown in from L.A, so I decided to go see if Sebastian would let me rest in his trailer for a little while.

Sebastian, being the kind hearted man he is, agreed at once to let me nap for a bit while I waited. He said he would wake me up in about half an hour if I didn’t wake up before that by myself.

He handed me a comforter that he had kept inside one of the drawers and I didn’t need any more incentive than that to jump into his more than comfortable sofa.

However, what I didn’t account for was the fact that even in my tired state, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I tossed and turned for a couple of minutes before I sighed and opened my eyes. I wasn’t always so impatient but when I knew I had driven both Annie and myself to the set today and would have to do the same on our way back, I did expect my brain to cooperate and let me nap for a bit.

What I didn’t expect, in a hundred years, was for Sebastian to find a way to help me that I would probably ( _certainly_ ) regret later.

I felt him climb into the sofa behind me and get under the covers. He put his arm around mine that were resting on my waist and pulled me closer to him. He kept his head partially on mine and partially on his other hand that was folded near his ear for support.

“Stop tossing around and try to relax,” he whispered near my ear and I had to hold my breath to stop getting chills all over my body.

I was almost certain that my heart would beat out of my chest any moment, but nonetheless, I listened to him.

_Have I really never noticed how good he smells before this very instance?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update, vacation really didn't fuel much inspiration for sad, angsty things so I wrote fluff instead. And as always, any feedback is greatly appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

_Who the hell in the world was flashing a torch at my eyes?_

I tried to put my hand out towards the source of the light to try and block it but I felt a heavy weight on them. I tried to move a little and I felt the same weight. I opened my eyes to see the back of a sofa and then the realization hit me.

I overslept. And it wasn’t just the fact that I overslept; Sebastian had fallen asleep with me while trying to cuddle me to sleep. To an onlooker, it really would seem more than it was. It would seem like an act of romance where it was just an act of platonic friendship.

I glanced up to see where the light had come from and I realized it was Annie, she had taken pictures of us. She giggled as I looked at her with eyes that warned her about the repercussions she would personally face if those photos ever saw the light of day.

“I’ll wait outside” she whispered, her face still wearing that smirk I knew would mean an interrogation in the near future. And by the near future I mean the car ride back home.

I tried to shift Sebastian’s weight on his back again, just to try and make things a little less awkward when I had to inevitably wake him up.

To give you a clear idea, I was a 5 feet tall woman, trying to push a very beefed up 6 feet man off of myself inconspicuously. To say that I was unsuccessful would be an understatement. I had no other option but to try to wake him up.

“Sebastian” I called out.

No movement.

“Sebastian” I said a little louder.

He groaned behind me and whispered a sentence of which I only understood “No” and tightened his grip on me even further.

_Well, this plan was going dismally too._

“Seb, you really need to get off me,” I said, trying to lift his heavy arm off of me again.

“No I wanna sleep,” he protested, snuggling his head closer to mine.

I would now feel his breathing on my neck. Safe to say alarm bells were ringing in all directions in my mind at this point.

“Sebastian it’s late. We need to get up, and I need to drive Annie home” I said, not sure if he was even listening or if he was fast asleep.

At this point, I wasn’t even sure if he realized what was happening, if he knew he was snuggled into my back and refusing to get up.

“Tell her to drive herself. I’ll drop you off,” he grumbled again, not loosening his grip on me even a tad bit.

Okay well, he knew. He knew it was me and he knew what was happening. Maybe he was just comfortable around me and I knew how less sleep he got in between shoots. He sounded so sleepy while talking too. _God, I could wake up to his sleepy voice all my life._

Oh boy, oh boy. I am in trouble.

“You need to get back to your hotel room too. I have meetings with my blog people tomorrow. Come on, Seb. We gotta get out of here” I said, hopefully that the urgency in my voice would help in waking him up fully.

He waited an uneasy while before answering “Party pooper” and moved to lay on his back.

I was half afraid of turning around to look at him; so instead, I took a deep breath and sat up.

“I can finally breathe again. God, how beefed up are you?” I joked, hoping to completely ignore how fast my heart was beating and how there was a tinge of disappointment at hi arms not being around me any longer.

When he didn’t respond at all, I turned around to look at him and I almost hoped I hadn’t. Almost.

His eyes had the intense Bucky look, as I had named it; only it wasn’t the intimidating or scary kind of intense. It was the kind of intense that I hoped and prayed to god didn’t mean what my mind interpreted it as. He seemed torn, and his eyes reflected what my heart felt. He felt the disappointment of having to withdraw from our embrace and he wished so badly that he didn’t feel that disappointment. Because we were friends, we were really close friends. We knew about each other’s quirks and insecurities and we got along so good. We couldn’t be more than really close friends.

I couldn’t look away from him and I knew my eyes now reflected what he was feeling too.

Something between us vibrated and we looked down at his phone at the same time.

_Margo calling._

My eyes automatically flickered back to him. He was still looking at his phone, and when he felt my eyes on him, he looked up at me.

His expression was so torn, and I decided to put us both out of misery of having to talk about it.

Without a word I turned around and slid out of the sofa. I picked up my heels from where I had carefully discarded them along with my bag and headed towards the door of the trailer.

I opened the door with shaky hands, and taking a breath to steady my voice I said, “Goodnight, Sebastian”

And with that, I left his trailer, not having the heart to look back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, a filler chapter from my sad little heart. I've been very lousy with the updating and I apologise for that. I will try and get a better hang of when to publish a chapter. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiiara - Feels (Jai Wolf Remix)  
> [a little song suggestion for you all since this is pretty much all I listened to while writing this chapter]

When I got back to where my rented car was parked, with my heels in one hand and bag in the other, Annie knew something wasn’t right. So she held off on her giggly inquisition and asked me if I was okay. I told her everything that had happened and how “it was just an awkward moment and it will pass as time passes”

When we reached back to our hotel that night, Chris was already in our suite. I wasn’t exactly in any mood whatsoever for any interaction, but it was Chris. He was a puppy, especially when he looked like Steve Rogers.

I settled down on the couch next to him after freshening up, and he wrapped his arm lightly over my shoulders.

See, now this is platonic my brain reminded and I was quick to shut myself down.

Annie was still in the shower, that girl took longer time in the shower than anyone else I knew combined. Both Chris and I were aware that if we waited for Annie, we would probably starve to death, so we decided on ordering room service.

“You wanna talk about it?” he questioned as we had dinner.

“Talk about what?” I smiled, trying my best to make it seem real. If Chris was just asking that because of the look on my face and not because he knew something, it needed to stay that way. We still had a long way before shooting got over and I didn’t want to muck any friendships up while I was here.

“Annie sent me the pictures. We had a full plan of teasing you about it but then I got a second text from her to not bring them up _at all_. I can put that together ya know?”

I sighed, defeated.

“Not now. Let’s just enjoy our meal and I can tell you my sad little story over ice cream” I suggested.

Chris didn’t mind, and we spent the rest of the dinner alternating between conversations on what I did for a living and comfortable silences.

It was a little while later, when we were in the cozy balcony of our hotel room with ice creams in hand that I revisited our older conversations.

He hadn’t pushed me to talk about even after we got our ice creams, and if a man was using his only cheat day in the month to eat ice cream with me, I could trust that he had good intentions.

“I don’t really know how to feel about it,” I said.

Chris nodded and waited for me to continue.

“None of our actions felt anything more than platonic before this evening. And now everything we did together feels…wrong. He has a girlfriend for Christ’s sake. I was vaguely aware of that and yet, I just casually ignored that? I don’t even know if we crossed any lines so far. In our defense we were both tired. But all the nights that we’ve spent out and about the city, all the breakfasts and what seemed like harmless flirting…it all feels different now. It’s like a blurred line and I feel like we can’t do blurred lines after tonight. We can’t overlook the flirty glances and the feathery touches after this” I said

“Will you at least tell me what happened?” Chris asked before continuing,” Because I know Annie saw the two of you cuddling. But what you’re saying feels like something else happened too”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Even thinking about the events of that evening made me anxious.

“After Annie left, I had to wake Sebastian up because his arm was on me and I couldn’t get out of his grip. And before he woke up, he got very…affectionate. He snuggled into me, like he didn’t want to let go. And when he finally woke up he had this look on his face, Chris. I know that look. Because that’s the look that I hadn’t let my own features reflect. I wish I didn’t feel like this for him but I do”

“And?”

“And then Margo called him. Both of us saw it. He looked so torn about everything so I just decided to spare both of us and left”

Chris put his left arm around me and pulled me closer to me. He squeezed my arm lightly and tilted his head sideways so it was on mine and I held onto his arm.

“Look, Mira, you have every right to have feelings for him even if he’s with someone else. It’s a problem only if you go ahead and cross a line with him knowing fully well about his commitment to another woman. And according to me, what happened tonight wasn’t crossing lines. Neither of you did that with the intent of crossing a line, right? It was innocent and the aftermath changed something between you two. But you’re out of the bubble like you said. What matters is what you choose to do going ahead”, Chris said.

“But that’s the problem though. I know him enough to know he will just try to compensate what happened by trying too hard to pretend that nothing happened. I don’t think I can pretend that I didn’t see that torn look on his face when her name flashed on his screen” I admitted.

After I said it, I realized this was the first time I had fully admitted to anyone that I might have feelings for Sebastian that weren’t platonic.

“You don’t have to pretend. I’m saying you don’t have to feel guilty about crossing lines because you haven’t. Not yet anyway. What you do going ahead is completely your choice. I just know that it’s easy to feel helpless in the face of your feelings for someone”

“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience” I said, withdrawing from him a little to look at his face.

He looked down at me and huffed.

“I’m just saying”

“Suuure”

And just like that, the tone of our conversation changed from sad to happy.

Chris started telling me some funny stories from his childhood and I quipped in with some of mine. Annie didn’t come out for dinner at all, so we assumed she had just gone to bed.

After an hour or so, both of us could see that the other one was tired and could probably fall asleep if we just stretched our legs. We decided to call it a day and Chris left for his room, but not before giving me a body-engulfing hug.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my chapters have been very short, and I promise the next one will be longer and will have a lot more of the plot.  
> This story has gotten way more feedback than I had ever expected and it is such a great feeling to know that people like what my angsty little side wrote. I hope you continue to enjoy this story going forward. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music Inspiration : Hang Up Tha Phone - Kiiara (I'm obsessed with her EP)

One week.

It had been one week since we left Atlanta and had a break while simultaneously preparing for the shoot in Berlin. One week since I had any contact whatsoever with Sebastian.

There wasn’t much work for me since Annie had about 98% of the things under control since before shooting had started. I spent my week writing a lot, ordering food every chance I got, sleeping and most importantly, coming up with genuine sounding excuses to not see Sebastian.

The fact that both of us lived in New York really wasn’t helping at this point because there were only so many excuses you can give someone who have spent so much time with in the last few months to suddenly not see them at all anymore. My excuses were getting more and more terrible and I was highly aware of that; my latest one being “No Seb, I really can’t come out for a midnight run to the store with you because I’m taking care of my neighbor. She has uh…diarrhea”

My neighbor was a middle-aged woman who lived alone, and for most parts, healthy as they came. And I was probably jinxing her health.

_Your lying nose will probably be longer than Pinocchio’s_ my conscience reminded me every time I lied through my teeth.

_But it’s for a good cause_ I reminded my conscience. If I didn’t get over whatever I felt for him, it would probably ruin what friendship we had.

I was doing what Annie called a “cleanse”. If you have to get over someone, cut him or her off of your life until you can sort out your feelings for them. As harsh as that is, it was the most effectively solution I could find to the adorableness that was Sebastian Stan.

After a week of finding excuses to not see him or to stop him from coming over, I was hoping that I was on the road to recovery but the only way I could find out if that was true or not was by facing him; which I conveniently put off till we reached Berlin.

Now a week and couple of days wasn’t enough time to get over anyone, no matter how big or small the crush is, but we were in a crunch for the time and I just had to wing it.

_Bad idea. Definitely shouldn’t wing this._

Two days before leaving for Berlin, I had a meeting with some people who wanted to sponsor my blog in return for me covering some of their events across the country. It seemed like a pretty interesting opportunity so I had agreed to the meeting. The entire morning was spent with the representatives of their company and discussing the possible partnership.

I hadn’t stepped out of my apartment in the last 2 days so I thought it would be a good idea to call my friend and head to lunch with him. The lunch really solidified my belief that I was more or less over Sebastian. I didn’t think of him or what would happen when we met again. It felt nice to not have to work so hard to keep my mind preoccupied.

It was late afternoon when I got back to my apartment. As I neared my main door, I saw a man sitting near my door. He had a cap on and he was looking into his phone. He had long hair and from what I could see in the dim lighting of the hallway, he maybe hadn’t shaven in a month or so... Why did he seem so familiar again?

_Shit._

Sebastian sensed movement to his left and looked up from his phone and my footsteps halted.   
_What was this man doing here…wait, is that a bouquet of flowers I see with him?_

“Hey Mira”, Sebastian said, sounding a little unsure of how to initiate a conversation.

“Hi there!” I said, my own voice betraying me as my greeting came out in a much higher pitch than I initially planned on it to be.

_Great going._

I stepped towards him again, quickly dipping into my bag to retrieve my keys. I unlocked the door and both of us stepped inside.

I turned around to look at him as he took his trucker cap off, an action that slightly ruffled his hair. He seemed to notice that and combed his fingers through his hair to adjust his hair back into place. And in that moment, I just wanted to hug him and tell him I missed him. But I stayed glued to my position in the living room.

He finally looked up at me, and offered me the flowers that he bought.

“Uh…the florist was on my way and I remember how you said you loved being given flowers so I thought I’d get these” he said.

_How can one man contain so much adorableness?_

“You remembered” I breathed out, genuinely touched by his action. “Thanks, Seb. They’re beautiful”

“Oh don’t mention it” he smiled at me, the smile that crinkled the sides of his eyes slightly and made his eyes light up a little.

As he settled on the couch in my living room, I took out a vase to put the flowers in.

“So, what are you doing here?” I question, unable to deal with the silence between us.

“You wouldn’t see me, so I thought I’d come by and see you” he simply said.

“Oh”

_Why does he need to see me at all? Is **that** evening to be brought up in this conversation at all? Is he here to discuss that?_

My mind was clouded with questions that I couldn’t possibly ask him. So I arranged the flowers in silence and simmered in my own confusion. It didn’t take me long to finish with the bouquet and I placed the vase on the coffee table. I took a seat on the love seat beside the sofa.

That’s when I remembered I had been a terrible host.

“Wow, I’m terrible at this. What can I get you? Water? Some coffee?” I asked.

“Nah, I’m good. Just sit with me. We haven’t talked in forever,” Sebastian said.

“You don’t even want coffee?” I questioned, raising my eyebrows at him. This man had an undeniable love for coffee and I couldn’t believe he didn’t want any.

He laughed then and butterflies erupted in my stomach. His laugh was so genuine; it was like music to my ears.

“Maybe later. But for now, definitely just sit with me” he said.

He started telling me about a couple of roles that he had been offered and some roles that he had been asked to send in an audition tape for.

For the lack of any other topic, I told him about the sponsorship to which he seemed genuinely excited. He told me how he was so happy for me and how I should definitely get them to sponsor me to one of his movie sets because that way he could meet me and I could be working at the same time.

_Who calls their ‘friend’ to their movie set just to spend time with them?_

After talking about our respective jobs for a while, he brought up a topic that I really had wished he wouldn’t.

“Are you ready to tell me why you have been avoiding me?” he asked.

“Oh I haven’t been avoiding you! It’s just that things have been a little crazy” I half lied, hoping he would drop the topic, which he thankfully did.

Both of us then decided we wanted coffee. While I made coffee, Sebastian moved from the couch to the breakfast counter. Conversation flowed easily between us; it had from the first time I had to have lunch with him all alone in the middle of costume trials.

About two hours and a couple of more cups of coffee later, we were standing in my balcony basking in the evening skyline, and the conversation started to teeter into unchartered territory.

Sebastian was talking about his parents and growing up how he did while I listened on. It wasn’t that we hadn’t talked about his parents’ divorce or about how his dad’s second failed marriage really took a toll on his belief in the system of marriage. In fact, we had detailed conversations about how neither of us felt like we needed a piece of paper to commit or love our partner.

But he was currently talking about how his self image issues and as someone who suffered from similar issues, I felt the need to console and support him however I could.

It would be such an easy task to just link my arm through his and lean my head on his shoulder to show him that I was there for him. It would have been easy a week or so ago. In that moment, though, even thinking of doing something like that made me question what he would think of it, whether he would take that as platonic action or anything more.

Deciding against any physical contact that could be misconstrued, I began telling him about my childhood. Or well, the parts of my childhood I never went into detail about with most people. The only other person who had ever heard me confessing these things was Annie. I told him how I had grown up in an environment which constantly made me feel inadequate, how I had to grow up an earlier age than most kids because my mother refused to be the grown up.

His gaze didn’t waver from me as I told him my secrets while looking out into the hustle and bustle of New York.

I told him how I didn’t tell people about any of this because people always had that look of pity in their eyes and how they always mention how sad it was that I never got to be a child. I told him how I hated that people automatically assumed that my past defined me in any way whatsoever, or that any hardships in my childhood meant that I didn’t have any happy moments at all.

When I finished, I could still feel him looking at me so I turned to look at him. I gave him a small smile and told him that I had only told him all of this so he knew that his past didn’t have to define him either and that it was okay to feel a bit overwhelmed by your past sometimes.

Afraid to hold his stare for too long, I looked away from him. We stood in silence for a little while longer, knowing that he would have to take his leave sooner than later. And as much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t want to think about him leaving. It felt like we were in our little bubble again and I just wanted that bubble to last.

_You know that bubble can’t last._

I was so lost in my own mind that I didn’t notice that Sebastian’s entire body had turned towards me.

His left hand reached out to tough my cheek ever so slightly and that broke me out of my trance. That’s when I noticed his eyes. They were full of emotions that I found hard to pinpoint. His left hand cupped my face and he used his right arm to turn my body to face his. I couldn’t look away from him this time. I knew I should have, I really should have. But I also knew that I couldn’t do it if I tried.

He leaned in, ever so slowly, his lips brushing across mine and I leaned into his touch. Before I knew, his lips were pressed against mine, moving in a synchronized movement. The thumb of the hand that was cupping my face was moving in a repetitive back and forth motion across my skin, making me lean into his hand as I kissed him back. It felt like he was pouring every bit of the emotion I had seen in his eyes into this kiss. I was in a different trance this time around, lost in his breath fanning over my face and his cologne overwhelming my senses in the best way.

We finally ran out of breath and had no other option but to break the kiss. As soon as we slightly pulled away from each other and filled our lungs with air, the reality also dawned on us.

He was the first to entirely let go of me and since I had still been leaning into his touch, it took me by surprise. I had to hold onto the balcony railing to steady myself. The feeling of rejection hit me like a truck, as did the guilt.

“This was a mistake” Sebastian spoke and I felt like my heart would give out. Or maybe that was the feeling of my legs wanting to give out. To be honest, I wasn’t in a state to quite process that over how I was still reeling from what had happened. I was still trying to process how I had let this happen in the first place.

But it _was_ a mistake, probably the worst one we could ever make. I stayed quiet, looking at the ground, not trusting my voice to not fail if I said anything at all.

“I need to go” Sebastian announced.

Without waiting for my reply, he headed towards the front door. He picked up his jacket that he had discarded on the loveseat after our second cup of coffee and practically ran out of the door, leaving me alone on the balcony of my apartment. As soon as I heard the door close behind him, I let the overwhelming feeling of my legs wanting to give out take over and sank to the floor. I sat there letting my tears flow freely as I tried to reason with myself about how I just brought the hurt onto myself if I couldn’t stop him from kissing me.

As I broke down, he was probably on his way back home to _her_. A part of me was bitter about that thought, and a part of me asked _what else did you expect?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never add chapter summaries anymore because I pretty much suck at those. A little bit of angst is finally coming back into the picture, expect a rollercoaster ride in future chapters. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreadful morning after to an evening that will change the course of many lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried writing you guys a little summary, please be proud, I suck at them. But I'm trying <3

By the time I finally picked up my limbs from the balcony, the sun had long set in the distance and the nightfall had encased the city. I was usually the one to always appreciate how this city really never slept, there were always lights on somewhere in the distance. It was food for thought really, to imagine why someone was up into such eerie hours of the night.

Today, however, I couldn’t get inside sooner. I started stripping my clothes off on my way to bedroom, leaving a piece of clothing at every step. I could afford to put off thinking about tidying up tomorrow. Tonight, I just needed to be knocked off into peaceful slumber so I could stop replaying the events that had just taken place.

* * *

 

I woke up to sunlight streaming in through the windows that I hadn’t really bothered putting the blinds on the last night. My mind was in a state of confusion considering I wasn’t sure why my blinds weren’t down and why I felt like absolute shit and why on earth I had a terrible headache.

_Okay focus on the immediate surrounding._

I must have cried a lot at some point in the night because my pillow was still damp from the tears. I slowly sat up, facing away from the sun; I don’t think my eyes could handle sunlight just yet.

The memories of the previous evening came flooding back and hit me like a truck, not helping my headache a bit. I pushed through the fatigue I was feeling despite of sleeping in late and made my way to the medical cabinet in my bathroom to look for something to cure my headache.

Next stop: fridge. I took the pill with the first juice I got my hand on. I decided to run a bath, which would surely help my body relax a little. After that, I could maybe focus on the sharp pain that was a constant in my chest.

As I retreated from my kitchen back to my bathroom, I noticed a trucker cap kept on the table right beside the main door. I was confused about it for only a second before the memory of Sebastian taking his cap off came back to my mind. I could see him standing there in the doorway taking his cap off and him tucking his hair behind his ear.

My head turned almost immediately towards my balcony. I could almost see the two of us standing there, kissing. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I forced the anxiety that was bubbling up in my chest away before rushing out of the room.

An hour later, my body felt a lot more relaxed from the bath. I decided to get in bed next, armed with my laptop, a big bag of chips and some cans of soda. I was going to Netflix my day off. I was half way through re-watching the first season of Suits when I heard the bell go off. No one was supposed to be ringing the bell right now.

_What if it’s him?_

My body froze in horror at the very thought of Sebastian standing outside my door. I could not physically move a limb and the bell went off again.

_If it’s really important, whoever it is can just call me and ask if I’m home, right? I don’t need to go check if it was Sebastian or not._

I could feel the anxiety coursing through my veins because while there was a part of me that knew he wouldn’t be caught dead outside my door but there was also a part of me that really wanted him to be standing outside my door, dying to talk to me. There was a part of me that wanted him to kiss me as soon as I opened the door and tell me he felt the same about me as I did for him.

But the disappointment of knowing that that could never be the reality was currently weighing me down.

The bell went off again, this time accompanied by a familiar voice saying, “Mira, come on. Open up”

The voice wrapped around my body like a cocoon of warmth and comfort and I couldn’t get to the door any quicker, almost tripping on my discarded jeans on the way.

I yanked the door open and there he stood, armed with what I could only guess was a bag full of food and a smile that could light up an entire city.

I pulled him for a hug as soon as he started to greet me and the relief I felt at him being there was almost surreal. He was a little taken aback by my reaction but he hugged me back as soon as he realised just how comforted I must have felt to just see him there.

And that’s the moment it was decided, Chris Evans was a godsend teddy bear who I probably didn’t deserve to have in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter ayeaye, no but really, I wanted to publish more but I think this is a good little cliffhanger (if it even qualifies as one). I promise I'm not playing with any of your feels. Or am I? :P Once again, thank you for the kind words you all have left me.  
> As always, any feedback is welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing on with where Chris Evans is visiting our reader when she's in dire need of some sunshine.

“Chris, what are you doing here?” I asked as soon as I stepped away from our embrace to let him inside the apartment.

He headed straight for my kitchen and I followed suit.

“Well, if I’m honest I got a text from Sebastian that only said ‘I messed up and kissed her’ and I haven’t been able to contact him since. But I could only imagine what a mess you might have been so I flew out from Boston first thing in the morning” he said and then gave me a cheeky smile before continuing “But let us just pretend that I’m _actually_ a superhero who has a great intuition and knew something was up with his friend so here I am!”

It was so easy to forget about everything with Chris that I decided to play along.

“Chris, darling, you really are my superhero, coming here to my rescue…is that food in there?”

“Oh yes ma’am. I stocked up on everything I was aware you liked”

“Oh, would you look at that? A _well prepared_ superhero!”

Both of us laughed at the show we had put on for ourselves and that’s when Chris looked around my apartment.

“Maybe I would’ve been better prepared if I had brought a cleaner along with me” he said cocking an eyebrow up at me.

I rolled my eyes at him, looking around the apartment myself.

“Oh you over exaggerate! It’s not that bad” I said.

“I am not having lunch in this environment” he said, scrunching up his nose.

“I’ll get to cleaning if you get to serving us food?”

“You sure I won’t catch a disease if I touch these plates, you filthy woman?” he teased.

I playfully spat at his arm before leaving him in the kitchen to pick up my discarded clothes. I pushed through the slight sadness peaking through my otherwise uplifted mood when I got to the two coffee mugs that were still kept on the railing of the balcony from the previous evening.

Keeping the mugs aside to be washed together with the dishes Chris and I would use, I opted to help Chris take the food to the living room instead.

“Good choice” I commented on the Chinese takeout that he’d brought for us.

He threw me a cocky little smirk and stuffed a tiny spring roll in his mouth.

“Whachu watchin’ on Netflix?” he asked, his mouth still a little full of food as we walked to the sofas in the living room.

“Suits”

“Well, that works”

I decided that vodka would go perfectly with some cranberry juice that Chris had brought along so I went to the cabinet I kept my alcohol in and pulled out a half empty bottle of vodka.

“Opinions?” I asked, pointing at the bottle in my hand.

Chris looked over from where he was planted on the sofa and brightly smiled at me before replying with a ‘fuck yes’.

A little vodka never hurt anyone.

Well, that would be a lie but you know what I mean; vodka and broken hearts go well together. It’s easier to feel your throat burning from the liquid than to feel the heartache burn a hole through your chest.

I had gone to just about enough parties with Chris during the first half of the Atlanta shooting to know that he had a really good tolerance for alcohol, as did I. Neither of us really got tipsy having the vodka with the juice and the food. But once the food was gone, we decided to do vodka shots.

Let’s just say it was the best terrible idea I’ve had in a while.

Chris and I were currently on the 5th shot and the music system in the living room was playing some obnoxious song that Chris had insisted on playing.

“Come on, Mira, dance with me!” Chris said, evidently a little tipsy if not slightly drunk.

I laughed and shook my head to which he held out his right hand. I could tell there was no escape, so why not just comply? Having some fun after a horrible day wouldn’t be so bad.

Chris led me to the open space in the living room, let go of my hand and starting dancing the silliest I’ve ever seen him. I didn’t even know he _could_ dance like that. I could not bear to let him do that alone, so I joined in soon enough. The silly dancing went on until we felt like we would probably throw up, after which we threw ourselves on the sofa.

We were both half lying down, him on the sofa and me on the love seat, staring up at the ceiling to calm down our adrenaline.

“What am I gonna do with this mess of a situation?” I finally let out once both of us had cooled off a little bit from the dancing.

“You will hold your head up high, and deal with it” Chris replied.

I turned my head to give him a little smile, which he reflected back at me.

Turning my head back towards the ceiling I could feel the bad trip coming on.

“But what if this is all there to love for me in this world? What if there’s always someone else out there that I would be considered a mistake for?”

We sat in silence for a couple of seconds and I laughed at my own depressing thoughts.

“Wow, I’m a real downer,” I said, laughing and sitting up straight.   
“I have an idea to fix that right up!” Chris said, his tone full of hidden mischief.

He connected his phone to the music system and went on to search for something on it. I was beyond curious at this point about his “idea” and I sat glued to the chair, watching his every move.

Soon, a familiar tune filled the room. Chris kept his phone down, and dramatically brought his hand up to point at me.

“She’s once” he started.

I laughed as I realized what was happening here.

“Twice” he sang, “Thrice, three times a lady!”

He motioned for me to get up and join, which I happily did.

Chris was a wonderful person, and him trying to cheer me up with the cheesiest song in history just went onto to prove that.

He held my hands in his and in his highest tone sang, “And I love you”

We danced some more as he continued singing, at the end of which I wasn’t pitying myself so much anymore.

If Chris Evans does a karaoke live for you, in your living room, having flown in from Boston to cheer you up…yeah, you don’t question for a second that you have a great friend in him and that you must have something about you that he felt was worth so much effort. Seeking validation wasn’t exactly healthy but it didn’t hurt to get it when you’re down.

“Thanks for doing this, Chris. All of this. I probably would have had cereal for lunch if you didn’t show up and pity myself to sleep”

We were now back to sitting down, the only change from the last time we were sitting being that we were now both sitting on the sofa. We were facing each other and while he was sprawled across taking up about three-fourth of the sofa, I was sitting with my knees folded up to my body.

He kept his hand on my knee and said, “Don’t mention it, its no big deal really. Besides, I missed you. This was a win-win”

You see the thing with Chris saying something like this was not setting off alarm bells in my head. On the other hand, if Sebastian had ever said something like this, or even touched my knee, it wouldn’t feel the same. I knew what Chris and I shared was a platonic love that many can only dream of having. Our vibes matched on that. With Sebastian, even though I always categorized it as platonic, more often than not, the vibes weren’t really that. It always felt raw in a way that you only are with a current or prospective romantic partner.

Looking outside we realized that the sun was setting and Chris suggested we go out. He had to shop for some shirts and I was more than happy to tag along to help. It didn’t take much convincing on my part for us to decide to go the my favorite Indian restaurant later.

 

* * *

 

Chris was trying on shirts and I had sneaked in some shirts that were a little too small for him in the mix of the ones he had chosen just to mess with him a little. It was always funny to see him in tight little shirts, being a little awkward about his bulging arms and his pecs showing underneath the tight material.

I was standing right outside the changing room so I heard him groan at from what I could only guess was putting on one of the shirts I had put in for him to try.

“Mira…do I have to really come out in this?” he asked.

I tried to stifle my laughter the best I could before replying “Yes! You brought me along, the least I can do is help you select a shirt”

“Oh yeah, believe me, we are not selecting this shirt”

“Come on out and show me why”

He opened the door slowly, only peaking his head out at first and part of his arm.

“This enough?” he said, tilting his head towards the part of his arm that I could see. The sleeve was visibly stretched around his muscle.

I shook my head at him and gestured for him to come out of the room completely.

He groaned again, but listened and slowly stepped outside.

The shirt was even tighter than I expected around his chest and abdomen, and the graphics on the shirt were really not helping his case right now. I couldn’t stop myself anymore and burst out laughing.

Chris was quick to realize what had just happened and how I had basically tricked him into this shirt.

“Oh you’re on” he said.

Just as I was about to make a run for it, he grabbed me and trying to escape from his current physique was futile. His hands were quick to make their way to my waist and he started to wiggle his fingers. He was very aware of how ticklish I was and he was taking full advantage of it.

“No! Stop it Chris!” I said between laughing and trying to squirm away from him.

We ended up on the floor, lying on our sides with my back to him and I took this opportunity to firmly grab one of his arms with both of my arms. Surely I could budge _one_ of his arms just enough to escape.

My efforts were all in vain as he realized my plan and quickly turned on his back, taking me with him. I was literally on top of him at this point in time, with him still tickling me. I was trying to curl up into a ball to force his arms apart when I heard the all-familiar voice.

“Chris?”

Chris stopped tickling me and my eyes instantly shot up to see Sebastian’s upside down figure standing over us. I couldn’t help but notice the female looking legs right beside him and following the legs up to that person’s face, I realized they belonged to his girlfriend. My stomach churned with an uneasy feeling that made me feel like I was going to be sick.

“Sebastian. Hey bud” Chris said from below me.

I’m pretty sure he could feel just how limp my body was with the shock. He rolled us over on our sides before standing up and helping me up with him.

“What-what’re you guys doing here?” Sebastian replied once we were up, forcing a smile onto his features.

“Just shopping for some shirts. Mira here decided to pull a prank on me though” Chris said, tugging lightly at his shirt.

Both Margarita and Sebastian laughed, only Sebastian’s laugh felt forced.

Chris took the initiative to introduce me to Margarita.

“Mira, this is Margarita. Margo, this is Mira. She’s helping Annie with the costumes for the movie”

I smiled the best I could and extended my hand towards her.

“Hi”

She shook my hand and smiled back politely.

“Hey! So you’re Mira. I’ve heard so much about you from both of them” she said, pointing to both men.

“Good things I hope” I teased.

“Oh don’t you worry about that. I’ve very good things,” she said.

From my peripheral I could see how rigid Sebastian’s body was as Margo and I talked.

As a rookie, I was a better actor than him at his point. He was visibly uncomfortable while I was masking the feeling of wanting to throw up perfectly well. Or so I’d like to think considering Margo didn’t ask me if I wasn’t okay. But she asked him. And he told her he wasn’t feeling too well.

_Yeah well, that seems to happen when you meet that girl you kissed and walked out the day before._

We said our goodbyes; I told Margo it was so nice to finally meet her. I couldn’t exactly tell her that Sebastian had barely ever mentioned her to me. Sebastian and I exchanged a forced smile along with a “bye, see you later” on his part and a “yeah, you too” on mine.

When they left, I felt like I could finally breathe properly again. Chris looked down at me, sighing.

“Just can’t catch a break, can you?”

I sighed a little louder and he put his arms around me, giving me a side hug.

“Let’s get me out of his horrendous t-shirt and then get some dinner okay?”

I nodded and he went back inside the changing room.

Once he came out, we headed for the billing desk and the payments were quickly done. He took his shopping bags in one hand and put the other one around me as we walked out of the store.

“You’ll be alright, kiddo”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to publish this in quick succession from the last chapter since that one was so short. As always, any feedback is greatly appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! My university has started back up which means my days have been hectic and I've been forced to interact with college people instead of staying home writing. But, I'll try to be as vigilant with the regular updates as I can.

The following night and the day after passed in a blur. The realization that I had not packed a single thing for Berlin yet hit me like a truck after Chris and I had returned home from dinner. I spent the next day in a pile of my clothes, figuring out what I had to pack. We were leaving the next morning, and the one thing I was grateful for was the fact that Sebastian wasn’t going to be flying with us.

If I were to be stuck with Sebastian in a flying cylinder for 8 hours, I’d jump right out of said flying cylinder.

I spent most of the flight writing for my blog, trying to get ahead of my work so I could concentrate on the work Annie would have for me there.

Annie had about a day to get set up before shooting started and I helped her organize all the clothing and costumes down to the caps, shirts and the many shields that Chris had to use. Not only did we have to sort out the costumes for the main cast, but also for the enormous number of extras that were going to be hired for the shoots in Germany along with the spare costumes for each of the stunt doubles.

We were so busy with our work that I didn’t really have time to realize that Sebastian would be on set soon. Chris and I had been spending any time I was free and if I’m honest it helped more than he realized. I hadn’t told Annie much about what had happened because really, she had enough on her plate already. I had no plans to tell her either unless it was absolutely necessary to.

The only thing that scared me just a little was that if she assigned me with Sebastian, it would be nothing short of a train wreck. I didn’t have enough time to ponder over this though, seeing as Chris just casually asked Annie if I could be the one helping with his costume while we were here. Annie didn’t think much of it and agreed with a “Sure why not”.

Before we knew, it was Sebastian’s first day on set. I knew from Chris that Sebastian had arrived late last night but I had been glued to the bed from 9pm that night to make sure no one would even ask me if I wanted to go see Sebastian.

I could feel the jitters from the nervousness of having to spend the entire day on set trying to have as little contact with Sebastian as possible; which let’s be realistic would be an impossible task. Not because I was particularly helping him out with his intricate costume, that was all Karen from Costumes’ job, but because the scenes that were to be shot involved Chris and Sebastian being together along with Anthony. I would have to be standing by with extra shields, jackets and whatever else Chris could possibly need during any given sequence.

Being the smartass that I am, I decided to wear what could only be called skimpy at best underneath my denim jacket, not realizing that it was the middle of summer and I would inevitably get too hot in the jacket and would have to take it off to reveal what was beneath, a black backless top which only had two strips of fabric running across each other on the back.

I hurried out the door to meet everyone downstairs to go to the first location of the shoot today. Chris, being the absolute sweetheart he is, was waiting for me with a coffee in hand.

“Anyone order a caffeine high to get through the day?” he said as I approached him, armed with a wide grin on my face.

“Steve Rogers, always the gentleman” I quipped as he handed me the coffee.

“Yes ma’am, absolutely” he replied, shifting his demeanor from Chris Evans to Steve Rogers in a matter of seconds.

“Buddy, at this point, I’d say you know Steve a little too well”

He laughed, his wholehearted, ‘oh man you’re so funny’ laugh that could probably rid the skies of grey clouds. I only knew one other person whose laugh I would describe the same way, and it was the one person I really couldn’t afford to think about that way for the sake of my own mental and physical well being.

Instead, I took a long drag of the coffee Chris had so kindly bought for me, without me asking him and thanked him for taking care of me.

His reply to which was ‘With you till the end of line, pal’, making me laugh again.

We continued our banter for a little while longer before Anthony had made his way downstairs and we were all off to the first location, which only involved Chris and Anthony as far as the main cast was concerned.

The first scene for the day was supposed to be shot in a coffee shop and both Chris and Anthony had to be dressed in their “incognito” costumes on which to be honest were just sunglasses and trucker caps along with civilian looking clothes.

I wasn’t worried one bit about this scene. Anthony and Chris doing a scene was absolutely peachy to me. I was standing with Anthony’s personal assistant behind a couple of assistant directors who were busy taking notes. On the occasional screw up or joke by Anthony we would all burst into laughter and yet my mind was fixated on the scenes that were to be shot later.

It didn’t take too long for the scene to get over and for to get moving again. The next scene for the day, which would probably take up the rest of the day, was a part of the main chase sequence in the movie.

I could see Sebastian warming up with his fake metal arm a little further from where I was stood helping Chris get into his Captain America suit. They had specially included what we called the ‘ab flap’ in his suit this time around because he always found his costume very uncomfortable. With the helmet he had to have on, I wouldn’t be surprised that the amount of heat he had to endure during these shoots was extremely uncomfortable. It was only fair that they made a special provision for him to let that heat out somehow and his cute little flap was adorable at worst.

Sebastian and I had made no eye contact seeing as I had kept myself busy on the opposite side of the set from him ever since we had arrived. The directors called for the set to be cleared and with one last look at Chris’ costume to make sure everything was perfect, I went and stood at the very back of the lane that had been turned into our set for the time being.

A couple of takes later, Chris was sweaty as he could be in the summer heat combined with his Captain America suit, and the constant to and fro to where I had chosen to stay during the takes and where they would restart a take inevitably made me feel hot too. When the last sequence before lunch needed a retake, without any thought I took off my denim jacket and gathered a water bottle and a hand towel for Chris. Making my way to him, I caught Sebastian’s expression as the hair stylist redid parts of his hair and from I could tell, he didn’t look too pleased. I brushed it off as him not being too pleased with how uncomfortable his arm must have been feeling with what was supposed to be Bucky’s prosthetic limb. I handed Chris the bottle in exchange for the helmet he had taken off and as he drank, I went onto towel dry his sweat drenched hair. I was standing on my tiptoes seeing as he was much taller than I was and as soon as Chris noticed this, he bowed his head down so it was more comfortable for me to help his hair situation. From the corner of my eye I could see the hair stylist was coming to where Chris and I were stood and I took that as my queue to stop messing with his hair and let her deal with it.

I stepped away from him and while I was waiting on him to be done with his water before I went back, I couldn’t help but glance towards Sebastian. He had beefed up (overshot his goal as he had said himself) this time around and I had no shame admitting to my own conscience that the beefy homeless look on him was doing things to me. I would however never let another soul find that out, and so when I turned back and saw Sebastian looking right at me, catching me in the act of trying to subtly glance at him, I mentally cursed myself in every language I knew and hastily turned back to Chris. Curse this man for catching me. Chris, on the other hand, was blissfully ignorant to the situation and I was more than happy to not have to explain to him why I had turned around in the first place.

The directors once again called for the set to be cleared, and I swiftly made my way back having collected the water bottle from Chris and handing him the helmet back.

There were only parts of the sequence that had to be reshot and those were all too quickly done. For lunch, Chris insisted that I come by his trailer and eat with him. He had a special diet that he was still on to maintain the bulk of Steve Rogers and I happily declined his offer, stating the obvious diet reasons. I personally just wanted the pasta that Karen had told me catering had cooked for lunch.

The hair stylist, Lara, Karen and myself were seated a little away from the rest of the crew and the two of them were sharing all the gossip they had their hands on ranging from how someone had caught one of the ADs wanking off in the costume trailer to how apparently Robert Downey Jr. had hijacked the plot line. I was happily munching away at my share of the pasta when Lara asked me if Chris had ever mentioned anything about such a thing being done.

I told them Chris was not the type of guy who could ever mutter a single bad word about Robert; Chris in fact loved Robert so much he probably didn’t mind sharing more time on-screen with him. Hearing this, the two of them continued on with the gossip. Not that I wanted any dirty details, but first it didn’t help to be on the same page as the crew and second, it beat having to sit all alone during lunch, which in all honestly, would feel like school all over again.

“Hey hey ladies” a voice came from behind me and my ears instantly perked up at the voice.

I knew exactly whose voice it was, and it was the one person I had hoped to be avoiding as much as I possibly could.

“Hi Sebastian” Karen replied.

“Lunch going good?” he asked.

“As good as it can be” Lara chipped in.

I only listened to their conversation; silently eating and hoping that would be excuse enough to have not even said hi to Sebastian.

After making some more small talk with Karen and Lara, Sebastian asked if he could talk to me alone for a bit. ‘I need her advice on something personal’ was his excuse.

_What a shit excuse._

I almost rolled my eyes 360° hearing that, but kept myself from reacting to it whatsoever.

Both the girls left us alone without a question and Sebastian took a seat next to me.

“As far as excuses go, that was a trainwreck” I said after he failed to initiate a conversation.

“Ouch” came his reply

I looked over at him. Even in his Bucky look, he looked like Sebastian with the shit-eating grin he had plastered all over his face.

Seeing that, I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at him.

“Don’t you have better things to do right now?” I questioned.

“Nah, I quite like seeing you in skimpy clothing love” he said.

I couldn’t take the fact that he was suddenly pretending like everything was how it used to be, and so I made a move to get up and leave. This really wasn’t a conversation I was up for right now.

“No wait. Mira, wait” Sebastian said, jumping out of his seat and kneeling in front of mine, stopping me from getting up.

“Look the reason I’m really here is to say that I’m really sorry. About everything I’ve put you through these past couple of weeks. I never should have done what I did let alone react the way I did. I should have come and talked to you, sort things out no matter how awkward they could have been” he said, looking up at me with the best imitation of puppy eyes I had ever seen a human do.

“What do you want me to say Sebastian?”

“Say you forgive me. Say you will consider being my friend again. I don’t expect things to just go back to how it used to be, but please, just consider being friends with me again”

_Yeah. Right. Friends._

I slumped a little in my chair, my mind knew as well as my heart did that I couldn’t say no to him being an adorable puppy. More than anything, I missed my best friend.

“You listen to me, Sebastian Stan, and you better listen real good when I say that if I consider this proposal of being your friend again, you owe me a lifetime worth of Reese’s and Maltesers-”

“Done” he responded before I could even properly finish.

He stood up and opened his arms, wanting me to hug him. I laughed and shook my head at how childish this man was, and how I didn’t care that this “friendship” deal was probably going to screw me up as long as he was still my friend.

I stood up and gladly accepted his hug that I had missed so much.

“I missed you too shitface” I said as he let me go.

“Okay now that we’re good can we get rid of Karen? She makes me so uncomfortable, she keeps staring at me like she’s gonna eat me alive!” Sebastian said as we starting walking away from the catering area.

“Seb, first of all, that’s rude” I jokingly scolded before continuing “And believe me, she wants to eat you up in a very different way than you’re making it out to be”

He rolled his eyes and put his arms around me before saying “I missed hearing you call me that”

_Mother of mixed fuckin signals._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any feedback is greatly appreciated. Special shoutout to JohnnyStormsGirl whose comments always keep my going <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Dun!

“You are what now?” Chris asked, his brows furrowed and lips pressed in a tight line.

“Friends” I answered, somehow feeling guilty.

We were currently in his trailer after the shooting for the day had gotten over and I had finally found a way to tell him.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me before?”

“Because you are working? I don’t want to lay off my drama any more on you than I already have”

“If that’s how you want to do this then sure, don’t ‘lay off any drama on me’. But don’t think this means I won’t be laying off _all_ my drama on you when the time comes” he said.

I smiled at his comment and said, “You know how I mean it”

“No, I actually don’t know. You know I don’t see it as drama”

“Ugh, what will I do, Chris? He makes puppy eyes at me for two seconds and I’m putty in his hands?”

“Well, you will be his friend. And I will keep you in line” Chris said, winking at me.

“What would I even do without you?”

The next few days passed in a hurry, the days only got longer and longer for everyone involved as the stunts got more and more complicated. I had very less interaction with Sebastian, but whatever interaction we had was friendly. It didn’t give my mind any wrong signals and I was more than happy to have my best friend back.

All of us had somewhat of a less hectic day coming up really soon, and Chris being the party guy he was had already started planning a night out with as many cast and crew members as possible.

As much as I did not want to be in a loud club, drinking until I couldn’t take anymore and waking up with a hangover the following day, Chris convinced me that going out was exactly what I needed to get out of the grey mood that had settled over me. I decided to give his plan a try; besides, what would go wrong with a little party?

 

“Come on Mira!” Annie shouted over the music. “You have to come dance with me, this is our song!”

Safe to say, Annie was quite tipsy and while I was just as tipsy as her, I still had the voice in the back of my mind that kept me very aware of Sebastian’s presence and how his eyes hadn’t left me the entire night. Annie had bought me a backless black dress that hugged my curves in just the right ways (her excuse was “you really needed to get laid, and besides a dress that sexy doesn’t need a reason anyway). As soon as we had walked into Chris’ trailer that evening to meet the boys, Sebastian’s eyes had glued onto me and it was almost unnerving. But I was adamant on not letting him see just how much it fazed me, so here I was, hours later still feigning confidence.   
Annie pulled on my arm again, and honestly, I was tired of staying put while everyone had fun just because of that little voice. Damned if I was going to let our song pass us by and not dance.

“Okay, okay let’s go” I said, and before I knew it Annie was dragging me across the dance floor, right to the middle where we let ourselves get lost in the beats of the music. Annie and I were both dancers at one point, and as it turns out, we still had it. Both of us were aware of the stares and looks we were getting, not only from the people surrounding us but also from the booth across the dance floor where Chris, Anthony and Sebastian were sitting. In all our time partying together, they hadn’t once seen Annie and I grinding and dancing the way we were doing currently.

I don’t know whether it was the influence of alcohol or the adrenaline from the dance that gave me the courage, but I looked over at the booth where they were seated while grinding on Annie way more suggestively than I usually ever do and motioned with my index finger for them to come join us. I then looked away, getting lost in the music again, but not before I noticed all three men gaping at my gesture.

Chris was the first to join was, followed by Anthony. Soon enough, it was the four of us on the dance floor and we had pretty much forgotten all personal boundaries with each other. I didn’t know who I was dancing with at one point and I was just fine as long as it was Chris, Anthony or Annie. But half way through the next song, I felt a new pair of hands on my waist pulling me towards a body that was just as rigid as Chris’ but I knew those weren’t his hands. My body automatically stiffened and I began to mentally think of all the ways I could free myself from this new man’s grip.

I felt the stranger leaning in near my ear and whisper “Lighten up darling, its just me”

_Sebastian._

My eyes widened slightly in surprise, I hadn’t even seen him making his way towards us, but my body automatically relaxed in his arms.

“There you go…never knew you could dance like this babe” he whispered, his voice still just as husky as when he first spoke.

I was left speechless and my mouth was almost dry. I swallowed thickly before mustering up the courage to speak up.

“I need a drink, I’m not nearly drunk enough for this”

I mentally cursed myself for coming up with a reply that was THAT lame.

“Then let’s get you a drink, darling”

Fuck him for being so gorgeous. Fuck him for using his Bucky accent while saying that. Fuck him for occupying my mind like this. Fuck him for his mixed signals. Fuck him for kissing me like no one ever has before and probably never will. Fuck him for _leaving_ after he kissed me like that. Fuck him. Fuck him. _Fuck him._

Fuck me for still thinking about him. Fuck me for not going out and getting him out of my mind any way I knew. Fuck me for still harbingering hope for something more with him. Fuck me for finding him so delectably hot. Fuck me for not refusing this drink. Fuck me for letting him kiss me. Fuck me. Fuck me. _Fuck me._

About twenty minutes and a couple of vodka shots later, it was safe to say that Sebastian and I were a little bit more than “tipsy”. We were still in our minds, but the alcohol was increasingly affecting our judgments. Because how else would we end up in the middle of the dance floor with me grinding on me and his hands roaming all around my body? The DJ wasn’t helping this situation one bit since he (or she, who knows?) kept playing one slightly suggestively song after another. My hands were caressing his thighs up and down every time I went a little lower and came back up. And every single time I did that, his grip on my waist would get a little bit tighter, and he would press me up against him even more. This time around though, I decided to tease a little more, letting my hands go a little farther up while coming back up. I let my hand get underneath his t-shirt and lightly graze the skin near his hipbone with my nails. He seemed to snap at this, quickly taking my hands in his and speed walking to god knows where. At this point, I had no care left in me. I wanted him, and he seemed to want me. As much as I knew I would regret this, as much as I knew I would cry over this, I just couldn’t bring myself to not go along with him.

He led us to the nearest bathroom stall, which as it turned out was already locked. The tiny hallway that led to the bathroom was dim lit and I suppose neither of us had it in us to keep our hands off of each other for any longer.

He pushed me up against the wall, bracketing me in with his arms. I was staring straight at his chest that was heaving with every breath he took. He brought his index finger underneath my chin and lifted my face ever so slightly to look up at him. I had known Sebastian and his beauty for a while now, but this was by far the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. His hair was a disheveled mess, probably from me running my hands through them while we were dancing, his pupils dilated and his expressions were so wrecked with desire.

But my eyes inevitably went to his mouth; his sinful, plump, pink mouth that I wanted everywhere on my skin. _God his mouth_.

Before I could look back up into his eyes, his lips were on mine and I was lost. My body seared with desire for him. This kiss was nothing like the one we shared before, this was all teeth, mouths melding together in the most unceremonious ways. My hands automatically went for his hair, and he moaned when I slightly pulled on his hair. His moan alone could probably be enough to make me come undone.

One of his hands was cupping my butt and the other was holding onto my waist so tight I knew it would leave bruises. I let one of my hands roam down, and lightly scraped my nails over his neck. He let out a whine that was absorbed by my mouth.

We were both a mess for each other, and then it happened.

That voice in my mind was back, and my entire body stopped responding to him that instant. He very clearly felt it and stopped, looking at me to gauge my reaction.

Suddenly the alcohol wasn’t blurring my thoughts anymore. I kissed him, again. AGAIN.

I put my palms flat against his chest and breathed in slowly, my throat suddenly dry and my head suddenly clouded in a way that wasn’t the result of alcohol. I pushed him ever so lightly, and he obliged by moving away from me. My palms were still on his chest, as if holding onto the last memory of him. I knew this couldn’t go on. We couldn’t just do this. He couldn’t just cheat on his girlfriend with me. And then leave me all alone to deal with this.

But god, we fit perfectly.

Before my mind could go down that road, I quickly stepped away from Sebastian and made my way to the booth where I found Chris and Annie sitting. I grabbed the beer kept on the table, which I assumed was Chris’ since Annie never was a beer person. I wasn’t either but the dryness in my throat was getting on my nerves.

I sat there, wide eyed, chugging on a beet, and neither of them said a word. When I was finally out of my daze, I looked up at my friends.

Chris was a mess, his hair disheveled like someone had been running their hands through it, and his face was flushed. He probably got with some girl in the club to end up like that. I looked away from him and at Annie, and suddenly my eyes went wide again. Annie had sex hair. It was undeniably sex hair, I had seen it enough times to know it by now.

“Oh my god” I shouting over the music.

Both of their heads snapped up to me, and Annie knew from the look on my face that I knew. She the proceeded to shake her side, telling me to not say anything, but really at this point, I wasn’t having any of it.

“You two!”

Now it was Chris’ turn to realize that I had guessed what was up with them. Or well, what had been up.

He winced a little, and then said tried playing it off “What are you talking about?”

“Oh you two know very well what I’m talking about! Where did…you two get up to?”

Before Annie could play the fool, Chris replied saying “Bathroom stall”

Without a second thought or the realization that Annie didn’t know, I countered with “So you two were the ones cock-blocking me and Sebastian?”

“WHAT”

This time, Annie was the one who was shocked and it was my turn to wince at letting this slip out.

Chris just raised an eyebrow at me, silently asking me what went wrong with my plan of being “friends” with Sebastian.

Annie was still looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain everything.

“Okay you two, not tonight. I really need to sleep this off”

Chris understood, having been a witness the last time anything happened between Sebastian and me.

“Alright, lets go” he said getting up and holding out a hand to me.

Seeing as Chris didn’t press, Annie decided it was for the best too and got up to leave. The three of us got in a cab and off we went to our hotel.

As it turns out _a lot_ could, indeed, happen at a little party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who has come back from the grave! (It's me). Sorry this took so fucking long to update. I've been in a little bit of a slump emotionally, and add to that the fact that college has started again I've also been swamped with college work. As always, any feedback is greatly appreciated!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out a lot could, indeed, happen at a little party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight (VERY slight) smut is involved in this chapter.  
> PS: Please forgive me if the smut is very rushed, I have not yet been able to figure out how to really write such parts even though I have the plot for them in my mind. I have tried my best to do this well and if you guys don't think it's too terrible then I might included some more stuff in this story.

Unlike most mornings, I woke up slightly disillusioned; and not the kind where you’ve just woken up and have trouble placing yourself in reality. It was the disillusioned that I knew very well was caused by alcohol.

I hadn’t opened my eyes yet, and I wanted to not open them for as long as I could because as soon as I did open them, my hangover would be very real. I tried to think back on what led me to this particular position; I remembered the party, the drinking, and the dancing oh god, and Sebastian. I felt myself become a little more grounded, and that’s when I felt it. I was sleeping on my stomach, and there was a very heavy arm draped loosely around my back.

_Please don’t be Chris. Please don’t be Chris. I physically cannot handle this being Chris._

I turned my head to face the source of the arm as inconspicuously as I could manage, and my soul pretty much jumped out at who I saw laying next to me in bed, very much asleep and _very_ much naked.

_How the hell did he get in my bed? What the fuck happened here?_

I remembered getting in the cab with Chris and Annie, and them dropping me off on my hotel room door and making their way to their own rooms. But why wasn’t I able to remember how this man, _Sebastian Stan_ of all people on the planet, ended up in my bed despite everything that had previously happened?

My phone went off somewhere in the room, and very loudly so if I may add. Sebastian stirred in his sleep, and I winced loudly. Why did I think having such a loud ringtone was helpful? In my hangover grump, I shot out of the bed, not caring if I woke Sebastian up, pulled a sheet up to cover myself with and headed to where the noise seemed to come from.

I found my phone, and my purse, on the table that was on the opposite side of the bed. I crouched over, quickly retrieving my phone and seeing Annie’s name flashing on the screen, I decided to pick up.

“Please tell me it hasn’t happened. Please tell me _he_ isn’t with you” she began, not even bothering with any pleasantries.

I already knew by the way she enunciated “he” that she meant Sebastian.

“What are you doing calling a hung-over person so early in the day?” I retorted, completely ignoring her questions.

“Mira, it’s 2pm”

My eyes shot up to the wall clock, and as if on queue, my stomach grumbled, as unflatteringly as it could manage to do.

“Fuck. Why didn’t you wake me up? I need to be at work”

“I had someone cover for you. Sadly enough, I don’t have a doppelganger for Sebastian who can fill in here”

“Uh I don’t know what-“

“Mira. Don’t you bullshit me. I knew he’s there. Is he at least awake?”

I didn’t want to turn around completely and face him just yet, so I turned my head slightly to the left and quickly threw a glance back at the bed. I found him perched up on his elbows, looking at me. I didn’t look at him long enough to gauge his reaction, because I knew it was probably one that would mirror mine, or maybe even worse than mine. Horror, disbelief, disgust? I didn’t know, and a couple more seconds of ignorance wouldn’t be the end of me.

“Yup”

“Send him in if you can?”

“Yup”

“I’ll see you tonight then”

“Tonight, yup”

And with that, Annie hung up. I noticed that my phone was at about 6% battery, and I decided it was best to plug it in while I was up. I headed over to where my suitcase was left, near my side of the bed, and retrieved the charger along with some medicine for the hangover.

I plugged in my phone, and took out two bottles from the little mini-fridge and headed towards the bed, not daring to look at the man whose eyes were still glued to me.

I suppressed the little voice in my head that was screaming at me to run away from this situation and hide somewhere and sat down on the bed.

I took out one aspirin, and extended the extra water and the strip of aspirin towards Sebastian, knowing he must also be as hung-over as I was.

He took them without a word, and I took the pill. I finally looked up at him as he was drinking the water, and suddenly I wasn’t sure if staying here was a good idea at all. I didn’t know what on earth to say in such a situation.

“So, Annie wants you on set. She got someone to cover for me, but she said she sadly doesn’t have a doppelganger to cover for you”

“Uh, I don’t really think having me on set would be a good idea. Right now, I’m as good as a packet of instant noodles without water”

I smiled at his comparison but shook my head at him in disbelief anyway. No matter how endearing I found his dork behavior, I couldn’t let him in on it.

“Late lunch?” I asked.

“Yes please”

“Cheat day?” I raised my eyebrows at him expectantly.

He thought about it for a while, and finally gave in.

“Fuck it, let’s do it. Pizza. Dessert. Whatever you wanna order”

I ended up deciding on an all meat pizza and chocolate brownies, which he didn’t seem to mind one bit.

As we waited for the food, I quickly washed my face, which still had some remnants of the previous night’s makeup, and changed into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a tank top while Sebastian made a couple of calls to explain his absence from the set. He blamed it on the fatigue and the time zone change, and apologized profusely, promising to be ready the next day and even put in extra hours if needed.

When I came out of the bathroom, I found Sebastian rummaging through his clothes from last night that were in a pile over the floor, wearing a sheet to cover himself up from waist down.

As much as my conscious side didn’t want to admit this, I loved seeing him like that. It gave my unconscious side some vague comfort of Sebastian being mine, when I knew better.

_Was I even sure I wasn’t actually a masochist in disguise?_

I diverted my eyes from him before he could catch me staring and made my way to my suitcases.

“You think this will fit you? You shouldn’t wear last night’s clothes,” I asked, holding out a pair of sweatpants much bigger than mine.

“And you need these because?” Sebastian trailed off, waiting for me to give him a reason.

“I don’t. These belong to Chris, some of our stuff for mixed up when we were packing my stuff last time around”

Sebastian’s features slightly hardened, and I wrote it off as my own imagination.

“I guess they will fit then” he said, sounding not too pleased.

“I know there’s a t-shirt lying here somewhere…” I said, rummaging through my things. “I kinda stole that off of Chris. It’s so comfortable”

“So you are wearing his clothing now?” Sebastian suddenly burst out.

As taken aback as I was, I replied calmly nonetheless.

“He’s my friend. I’ve stolen loads of your t-shirts too”

“And yet, none of those are in your luggage”

“Seb, you know why I didn’t pack any of your stuff”

This reminded him of the situation we were in when I left New York, how we weren’t exactly on talking terms.

For a minute, neither of us said anything. There was suddenly a strange tension in the air, I didn’t quite know if it was because of the kiss in New York and his abandonment of me after being brought up again, or if he was somehow… _jealous_ …of Chris.

Thankfully, there was a knock on the door followed by someone saying “room service”. I handed him the sweatpants, and made my way to the door to take the food in.

About five minutes later, Sebastian came out of the bathroom, looking so delectable that it took all of my self-control to not jump at him.

I had cleaned the bed a little bit, had Netflix opened on my laptop and the food was already in the middle of the bed.

I wasn’t sure if his mood was any better, so I just waited for him to make a move. He quietly sat down on the bed, and made himself comfortable.

“So what are we watching?” he asked.

“Um, I was thinking Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Have you ever seen it?”

“No, not really”

I turned around to look at him, shocked and wide eyed.

“How have you not seen that show!?”

He laughed a little at my outburst, before continuing “Nerd”

I rolled my eyes at him, laughing lightly myself, knowing that whenever he called me a nerd, it was his way of saying ‘you’re just like me and I like it’.

We stuffed our faces as Brooklyn Nine-Nine played, episode after episode until both Sebastian and I were both very full and we could see the evening sun’s rays turning the room a slight shade of orange.

While we had been occupied, the silence and the occasional small talk were comfortable, but as the room grew more and more silent, the air between us turned into that of discomfort.

“So” both of started, and were startled by the other person speaking at the same time.

We both threw each other a small smile before I said “You first”

“Well, I was just going to uhm…ask if talking about it would be a good idea or not” Sebastian said.

“Actually, I was hoping you would have an answer for that question” I confessed.

“I guess I’m okay with whatever you’re comfortable with” Sebastian said, shrugging at me.

“Look, I have something to admit. I kind of don’t remember much about last night. It’s all very patchy at the moment and I’m sure it will come back to me but I have to ask…how did you, well, end up here?”

“I came to your room last night after you left the club with Chris and Annie. I guess I was pissed off, I’m not quite sure why but I was. And we kind of had an argument, most of which I don’t really remember, but yeah. That’s more or less what I remember,” Sebastian said.

“And we’re still friends right? I mean, we were drunk last night and what not,” I said hesitantly.

I didn’t know what I really expected him to say to that, but his reply took me by surprise anyway.

He put his hands on either side of me on the bed and leaned into me. All I could do at this point was stare back dumfound into his blue eyes. As he closed the gap between us, one of his hands came up to my face to gently cup my cheek. He kissed me, for the god knows what number in the past 24 hours, but it was so unlike the kisses we had shared before this moment. It wasn’t lustful, it wasn’t hurried and most of all, it wasn’t a hungry kiss. It was a gentle kiss; it was the kind of kiss that expresses more than words can. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to stop kissing me, and I couldn’t help but respond to his lazy kissing.

When we broke apart to breathe, he didn’t move away an inch. Instead he gently placed his lips on the nape of my neck and ghosted a kiss over it.

“You know I’ve been waiting so long to do that. To kiss you like I mean it”

I could almost feel my heart melt at his words and no matter how much my inner voice of reason wasn’t appreciative of any of this; I knew it would stand no chance to my need for this man.

He continued to kiss my neck, with the same laid back pace as he had kissed me, and my body couldn’t help but respond to him. Blame it on me not getting laid enough, or blame it on him for having that effect on me, but my one of hands went straight for his hair and the other grabbed his arm that was still resting on the bed next to my thighs.

God knows this man had beautiful hair and with it grown out for this role, it was even more magnificent to run my hands through it and pull on it when he hit a sensitive spot on my neck. And every time I pulled on his hair, he would mark the spot that had brought on that action, and then the next time, I would pull on his hair a little stronger. This continued for a while before he had enough of the distance between our bodies.

He sat back against the headboard while grabbing onto both my thighs to pull my body flush with his. I straddled him the best I could with his lips now on the other side of my neck, still marking me up.

I lightly scratched along his biceps, which earned a light whimper from him. I took this opportunity to pull his lips back onto mine and kissed him a lot rougher than he had first kissed me.

He smirked at my reaction, and broke apart to quip in a quick “Eager much?” before he attached his lips back to mine.

He put both of his hands on the small of my back and lightly started moving back and forth of him.

I wanted to hear his little whimpers more, since I didn’t really remember much of what noises he made expect for the very recent one that he had let slip, and so I let my lips wander down to his neck while letting Sebastian maintain the pace of how he wanted me to grind on him. I left open-mouthed kisses on every piece of skin I could find, and it surprised me just how responsive he was to it. I could feel what my actions were doing to him, and so I decided to turn it up a notch. I grind down on him just a little hard, being a little selfish the pleasure while also trying to accomplish what I wanted. And boy was that a good idea, Sebastian’s hands gripped my butt and pulled me down on him even harder while he made the most delicious of sounds.

“God don’t stop making those noises,” he suddenly murmured and that’s when I realized I had been moaning just as much as he had been.

Both of us knew we didn’t have it in us to stop this, and our actions soon became erratic. Neither of us cared how we reached our ends; we were just chasing it at this point, for our own selves and for each other.

“Come on babe just like that,” Sebastian said, his voice thick with pleasure and just hearing his voice like this could probably be enough to drive me crazy for him.

“Sebastian I’m gonna-oh my god” I barely had it in me to finish that sentence with the pleasure coursing through my veins.

“That’s it, let it go. I got you”

And with that, I let go. I had a hard time believing, even in all the pleasure I was feeling, that something so simple with him could make me feel this pleasured and just…this good.

He followed me soon after, his grip on my body tightening even further as he convulsed in pleasure beneath me. I held him through his orgasm as he had held me through mine, patiently waiting for both of us to come down from the high.

Our heads were buried in each other necks as we took deep breaths to calm ourselves down when Sebastian suddenly said, “We probably should steal these sweatpants, and never give them back”

I laughed with all the energy I had left in me after the mind-wrecking orgasm this man just gave me and pulled back to look at him. He looked so beautifully wrecked; his hair was a slightly sweaty mess, sticking out wildly in every direction, his eyes were glazed and his lips swollen from the kisses we shared. It was a picture I wanted to store away in my mind forever.

Just as I was about to retort to his quip about Chris’ sweatpants, we heard a knock on the door. He raised his eyebrows at me, questioning whether I knew who was at the door and I shrugged back at him.

No one was supposed to be here and I wasn’t necessarily sure if Annie would be free so early from the set.

“Mira! Open up, I think I left my only clean pair of sweatpants in your suitcase!”

_Chris Evans maybe didn’t have the greatest timing in the world after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaat, another chapter so soon?!   
> I know I am horrible at updating, but I'm trying and hopefully I can get myself on a schedule to write every day and post a little more frequently than I do. As always, any feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
